* Technical and Business Writing
In English:
An Essential Introduction
By
S. Kong Wang
王曉剛
Department of Mechanical & Automation Engineering
I – Shou University
義守大學 機械與自動化工程系
Fall, 2009
chapter 15 * Reader can visualize precisely what is happening.
General Our salesperson will contact you next week.
Precise Our salesperson will (telephone, fax, e-mail, visit) you next Monday.
General The CEO said that we should contribute.
Precise The CEO (urged, pleaded, demanded) that we contribute.
General We must consider this problem.
Precise We must (clarify, remedy, rectify) this problem.
General The newspaper was affected by the strike.
Precise The newspaper was (crippled, silenced, demoralized) by the strike.
The power of a verb is diminished when it is needlessly converted to a noun. This happens when verbs such as acquire, establish, and develop are made into nouns (acquisition, establishment, and development). These nouns then receive the central emphasis in the sentence. In the following pairs of sentences, observe how forceful the original verbs are as compared with their noun forms.
Weak Acquisition of park lands was made recently by the city.
Strong The city acquired park lands recently.
Weak The webmaster and the designer had a discussion concerning graphics.
Strong The webmaster and the designer discussed graphics.
Weak Both companies must grant approval of the merge.
Strong Both companies must approve the merge.
chapter 15 * Concrete nouns
Nouns name persons, place, and things. Abstract nouns name concepts that are difficult to visualize, such as automation, function, justice, institution, integrity, form, judgment, and environment. Concrete nouns name objects that are more easily imagined, such as desk, car, and lightbulb. Nouns describing a given object can range from the very abstract to the very concrete – for example, object, motor vehicle, car, convertible, Mustang. All of these words or phrases can be used to describe a Mustang convertible. However, a reader would have difficulty envisioning a Mustang convertible when given just the word object or even motor vehicle or car. In business writing, help your reader “see” what you mean by using concrete language.
General a change in our budget
Concrete a 10 percent reduction in our budget
General that company’s product
Concrete NEC’s Ultra Express pager
General a person called
Concrete Ms. Swain, the administrative assistant, called
General we improved the assembly line
Concrete we installed 26 advanced Unimate robots on the assembly line
chapter 15 * 15.5 Use subject lines, indentation, short opening paragraphs, and postscripts.
Attract your readers from the start and hold their attention until the end. Announce your focus with a subject line that grabs the readers. Indent the first line of your paragraphs to draw readers into your words. Make your first paragraph short to minimize the “initial investment.” A postscript can make a big difference, especially when your purpose is to persuade, since many people read that last part of a memo or letter immediately after the subject line or first paragraph.
Entrance and exit ramps
Make it as easy for your readers to get into your writing as to get out of it. Indent (e.g., use the “Tab” button on your keyboard) the first line of each paragraph to draw your readers into the text, like the on-ramp allows easy access to a highway.
Make your first few paragraphs short to give your readers an easy, early exit from your writing.
Subject lines and postscripts
Use subject lines and postscripts as additional inducements for your readers. A good subject line reveals the topic of the e-mail, report, memo, or letter and can motivate a recipient to at least skim the first paragraph. In written communication such as letters, memos, and e-mail, a postscripts can grab attention. In fact, many people read the postscript first. It can be a powerful addition, especially for persuasive documents. Use it to hit your most important point.
chapter 15 * Duncan Consulting Services
699 Knox Road Heading
Philadelphia, PA 19077
(610) 555-0124
Date
January 12, 2005
Mr. Steve Nash Inside
Vice President, Sales Address
ABC Computing
394 Vesper Road
Knoxville, YN 37966
Subject Line
Subject: Megasoft Word Pro 9.1
Salutation
Dear Mr. Nash: Body
I would like to order the most current edition of Megasoft Word Pro, which I believe would be the 9.1 version. Would you please send me any appropriate documentation as well? I work at home as a consultant and prepare brochures and
chapter 15 * newsletters for my clients.
Because I need your product immediately, please send it in the quickest way, perhaps by overnight mail. I have always used your software products and appreciate your service mentality. Thank you for handling this request quickly.
Sincerely yours,
Closing and Signature
Tim Duncan
Tim Duncan
President
Supplement line
ADL/jl245 Attachments
Attachments (2)
Postscript
P.S. I enjoy your holiday newsletter!
chapter 15 * Traditional letter form Use a heading, including your phone number, even if you’re writing from home, so that the reader can easily identify you or reach you, if necessary. Always include the date. The inside address fulfills two purposes: first, you can use the person’s title, which most people like to see; and second, it routes the letter to the appropriate individual, even if someone else opens the mail.
The subject line specifies the purpose of your letter. The salutation (followed by a colon, not a comma) identifies the recipient. Always try to put a name rather than just a position title. If you cannot obtain a name, use Dear Student, Dear Customer, Dear Homeowner, or some salutation that identifies the recipient in some way. Use Dear Sir/Madam or To Whom It May Concern only as a last resort. Never use Gentlemen unless you are sure that no woman may read the letter.
Keep your first paragraph short to intrigue the reader. Indent each paragraph for reading easy.
Use one of the many good closings to end your letter: Cordially, Sincerely, Sincerely yours, Regards, Respectfully submitted, and so on.
chapter 15 * The supplement line is for your own benefit; it indicates who formatted the final letter and where you can find this letter on a computer disk. If you plan to enclose a check or other document. Indicate how many attachments you’re including, to alert the recipient to the enclosed items.
The postscript gives you a final chance to catch the reader’s attention. It’s a good place to remind the reader of your main point or to call attention to a deadline. 15.6 Write strong introductions, body, and conclusions.
People often try to minimize their reading. They may want to read only the beginning and the end of a document – an executive summary or abstract, an introduction and/or a conclusion.
Your introduction and conclusion must provide the essentials of your document and motivate the reader to at least skim the entire document. A strong summary makes a document more memorable, so it’s likely to get better results. Repeat your main points to stick in the reader’s mind.
1. Beginning with the main idea
Most business writings cover routine, nonsensitive information that can be handled in a straightforward manner. Begin by frontloading; that is, reveal the main idea
chapter 15 * immediately. Even though the purpose of a memo or e-mail is summarized in the subject line, that purpose should be restated – and amplified – in the first sentence. Notice how the following indirect memo openers can be improved by frontloading.
Indirect opening
This is to inform you that for the past six months we have been examining benefits as part of our negotiation package under a contract that expires soon.
Direct opening
Please review the following four changes in our benefit package and let us know if your preference by January 1.
Indirect opening
As you may know, employees in Document Production have been complaining about eye fatigue as a result of the overhead fluorescent lighting in their center.
Direct opening
To improve lighting in Document Production, I recommend that we purchase high-intensity desk lamps.
2. Finishing with a strong closing
Generally, end your writing with (1) action information, dates, or deadlines; (2) a summary of the message; or (3) a closing thought. The closing is where readers look for deadlines and action language.
chapter 15 * An effective memo, letter, or e-mail closing might be:
Please submit your report by June 15 so that we can have your data before our July planning session.
In more complex messages a summary of main points may be an appropriate closing. If no action request is made and a closing summary is unnecessary, you might end with a simple concluding thought (I’m glad to answer your questions or This sounds like a useful project). Although you needn’t close messages to coworkers with goodwill statements such as those found in letters to customers or clients, some closing thought is often necessary to prevent a feeling of abruptness.
Closings can show gratitude or encourage feedback with remarks such as I sincerely appreciate your cooperation or What are your ideas on this proposal? Other closings look forward to what’s next, such as How would you like to proceed? Avoid trite expressions, such as Please let me know if I may be of further assistance.
Whenever possible, the closing paragraph of a request should be end dated. An end date sets a deadline for the requested action and gives a reason for this action to be completed by the deadline. Such end dating prevents procrastination and allows the reader to plan a course of action to ensure completion by the date given. Giving a reason adds credibility to a deadline.
Please submit your order by December 1 so that sufficient labels will be on hand for mailing the year-end reports January 15.
chapter 15 * 3. Organizing a strong body
In the body of the message, explain the main idea. If you are asking for detailed information, arrange your questions in logical order. If you are providing information, group similar information together. When considerable data are involved, use a separate paragraph for each topic. Work for effective transitions between paragraphs.
Design your data for easy comprehension by using bulleted items, headings, tables, and lists. All these techniques make readers understand important point quickly. Compare the following two versions of the same message. Notice how the graphic devices of bullets, columns, headings, and white space make the main points easier to comprehend.
Hard-to-read paragraph
Effective immediately are the following air travel guidelines. Between now and December 31, only account executives may take company-approved trips. These individuals will be allowed to take a maximum of two trips per year, and they are to travel economy or budget class only.
chapter 15 * Improved with graphic highlighting
Effective immediately are the following air travel guidelines:
Who may travel: Account executives only
How many trips: A maximum of two trips yearly
By when: Between now and December 31
Air class: Economy or budget class only
Most memos, letters, and e-mail messages can be divided into four groups: (a)
those that inform, (b) those that request, (c) those that respond, and (d) those that
persuade. We will be concerned with the first three groups because they use the direct
strategy. The fourth group, persuasive messages, uses the indirect strategy.
Messages that inform
Memos and letters that inform generally explain organization policies, procedures,
and guidelines. As policy-making documents, these messages must be particularly clear
and concise.
The effective message shown below begins directly by telling readers immediately
what the message is about. The next paragraph explains why the change is necessary. A
list enumerates step-by-step procedures, thus making it easy for the reader to understand
and follow the steps. The final paragraph restates the primary benefits of the new
procedure and tells how more information may be obtained if necessary.
chapter 15 * Subject: IMPROVEMENTS IN JOB-ADVERTISING PROCEDURES
Effective today, all advertisements for departmental job openings should
Be routed through the Human Resources Department.
A major problem resulted from the change in hiring procedures
implemented last month. Each department is placing newspaper
advertisements for new-hires individually, when all such requests should be
centralized in this office. To process applications more efficiently, please
follow this procedure:
Write an advertisement for a position in your department.
Bring the ad to Human Resources and discuss it with one of our counselors.
Let Human Resources place the ad with a appropriate newspaper or web agency.
Following these guidelines will save your work and will enable Human
Resources to help you fill your openings more quickly. Call Ann Johnson at
ext. 255 if you have questions about this procedure.
Informative,
upbeat subject
line
Summarize
main idea
concisely
Explain why
change is
necessary
Start each listed
Item with a verb
Close by
reinforcing
benefits to
reader
chapter 15 * (b) Messages that request
Messages that make requests are most effective when they use the direct approach. The reader learns immediately what is being requested. However, if you have any reason to suspect that the reader may resist the request, then an indirect approach would probably be more successful.
Request should be courteous and respectful, as illustrated in the example below. They should not be demanding or dictatorial. The tone of the following request would likely antagonize its recipient:
I want you to find out why the Davis account was included in this report, and I want this information before you do anything else.
Always end a request by providing a deadline if necessary. Expressions such as “do it whenever you can” or “complete it as soon as possible” make little impression on procrastinators or very busy people. It’s always wise to provide a specific date for completion.
chapter 15 * Greetings:
Please answer the questions below about the possibility of starting a casual dress day program at PowerData.
Many employees and some managers have included about the possibility of dressing casually occasionally. In my opinion, casual attire may make people feel more at ease in the office. On the other hand, casual dress may encourage sloppy work. Your answers to the following questions will help determine a course of action.
Would you like to see one day a week set aside as a “dress-down”
day? Why?
If you answer yes, should we set up a written dress code?
If we set aside a dress-down day, will the office atmosphere remain
professional?
Id appreciate your responses by May 5 so that we can discuss the matter at the next Council meeting set for May 8.
Charles Include optional
salutation
Prepare readers by
immediately
describing request
Explain reasoning
behind request and
provide details
Use bullets to make
questions most
readable
Close with end date
and reason
chapter 15 * Messages that respond
Much office correspondence reacts or responds to memos, e-mail messages, and other
documents. When responding to a document, follow these preparatory steps:
Collect whatever information is necessary.
Organize your thoughts.
Make a brief outline of the points you plan to cover.
Begin the memo with a clear statement of the main idea, which often is a summary of
the contents of the memo. Avoid wordy and dated openings such as “Pursuant to your
request of January 20, I am herewith including the information you wanted.” Although
many business messages actually sound like the preceding, they waste time and say little.
The body of a response memo provides the information requested. Its organization
generally follows the sequence of the request. However, the information can be further
clarified by providing summarizing headings in bold type. These headings emphasize the
groupings and help the reader see immediately what information is covered. The memo
closes with a reassuring summary.
chapter 15 * Here are my reactions, Charles, to your inquiry about a casual dress day program made in your e-mail message of May 2.
Establish a dress-down day? Yes, I would like to see such a day. We have already had a flexible working hour program, and we’ve seen an increase in our productivity. So I believe a dress-down day will further boost our employees’ morale.
Implement a dress code? By all means! We definitely need a written dress code not only to establish standards but also to protect the company from frivolous lawsuits.
Professional office atmosphere? I would hope that casual dress would not promote casual work attitudes as well. We must establish that professionalism is non-negotiable. Moreover, I think we should be careful in allowing casual dress only on the designated day, once a week.
I think a casual attire program can be beneficial and improve morale. But we definitely need a dress code in place at the beginning of the program. Let me know if I may assist in implementing a casual-dress day program.
John Summarize main
idea and refer to
previous message
Arrange responses
in order of original
request and uses
boldface headings
to emphasize
and clarify
groupings
Close with
reassuring remark
and offer of
further assistance
chapter 15 * 15.7 Use headings, white space, and visuals in longer documents.
Guide your reader through your document with informative, interesting heads. They serve an important second purpose, by breaking up the text.
Use white space to make your text easier to read. A little extra space in the margins and between paragraphs can make a big difference.
Visuals can supplement your words, convey information, and add another dimension to your documents. Make sure your visuals are appropriate, accurate, and accessible. The right visual
To reiterate, use the visual most appropriate to your information:
Tables – to convey a quantity of statistical data (numbers).
Pie graphs – to show percentages of a whole, not complex data.
Bar graphs – to compare ten or fewer items.
Line graphs – to show a pattern over time.
Pictograms – to attract the reader’s attention creatively, not for highly accurate comparisons.
Flowcharts or diagrams – to show a complex process.
Photographs – to set a mood or to show an actual situation or person.
chapter 15 * 15.8 Write actively (subject-verb-object) rather than passively.
Readers tire easily of the passive voice. Researchers recommend that only 10 % of your writing use the passive voice. To write actively, avoid the verbs “to be” and “to have” and emphasize the subject-verb-object construction.
In the active voice, the subject performs the action: “The manager wrote a memo.” In the passive voice, the object is affected by the action: “A memo was written by the manager.” The active voice focuses attention on the doer, while the passive voice emphasizes what’s been done – allowing the writer to even omit the cause.
If you use the active voice, your writing will be more forceful, more interesting, and easier to understand. Most active verbs convey conviction and responsibility. Passive verbs hide the person responsible for the action and weaken your sentences. Compare the following constructions:
“We pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.”
“Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America is pledged by me.”
See the difference?
In business writing, as well as in personal interactions, some situations demand tact and sensitivity. Instead of using a direct approach with active verbs, we may prefer the indirectness that passive verbs allow. Rather than making a blunt announcement with an active voice (Tyler made a major error in the estimate), we can soften the sentence with a passive construction (A major error was made in...
chapter 15 * Here’s a summary of the best use of active- and passive-voice verbs:
Use the active voice for most business writing. It clearly tells what the action is and
who is performing that action.
Use the passive voice to emphasize an action or the recipient of the action. “You
have been selected to represent us.”
Use the passive voice to deemphasize negative news. “Your computer has not been
repaired.”
Use the passive voice to conceal the doer of an action. “A major error was made in
the estimate.”
15.9 Avoid negative writing
Accentuate the positive – particular if you’re dealing with negatives. Begin your memo or letter on a positive note. If you must present something negative, give the reasons: they usually help soften the blow.
Imagine you open an envelop and read the following paragraph:
It is essential that you comply with our request. We shall have to institute legal action against you if you do not remit the full amount of your liability by June 3.
How do you feel?
chapter 15 * Consider the following wording of the same message:
Please remit your payment by June 3 to avoid legal action.
How do you feel now? The following letter also contains negative news:
Due to an error in processing your order, it will be billed more than once to your account. A credit has been issued and hope you have not been inconvenienced.
Mistakes happen, but it would have been better if the news had been delivered as follows:
We apologize for the inconvenience of our processing error. We have corrected your account.
The following letter hits hard with the blunt wording:
We regret to inform you that the merchandise you ordered is not available. Because of this we have been forced to cancel your order.
Compare with the following:
We’re sorry that your merchandise is unavailable at this time.
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